Why I Didn't Quit Writing

For two and a half years, I dated fellow writer Franca.* Though we'd both started manuscripts and short stories, we were still very much beginner authors. We knew little to nothing about SFFH writing groups, literary guilds, or other places to find support or hone our interests. In theory, we had one another, and could help each other grow as authors.

Franca told me to quit writing. My struggle to transform thoughts into text must be a sign I was unsuited to the craft. I also wrote too slow for his liking. He would be the writer in the relationship, and he would continue to be amazing at it.

I told him how upset I was. I'm a writer. I can't be separated from storytelling. He was telling me to emotionally butcher myself into something unrecognizable.

Franca yelled at me for a half hour straight. He was right, I was wrong. I didn't deserve the encouragement he'd promised months ago, or any at all.

At this point, I was a full time college student. Schoolwork took priority over fiction. I was also a decade or so away from figuring workarounds for my dysgraphia. I still thought a sentence needed to be perfect in my head before I typed it. With these factors, of course I was going to be slow.

What Franca didn't say outright was he enjoyed "elevating" himself by knocking me down. If I kept writing, I might one day surpass him in terms of sales, recognition, publications, or whatever else he deemed "success." The best way to prevent this was to stop me early.

He also liked having me around as a minion/cheerleader hybrid. If I focused too much on my writing, that would mean paying less attention to his manuscripts and his writing career. While it was fine for him to berate and put me down, I shoudl exist only to prop him up.

I'm happy we're no longer together.

In the years since, I've been published in award-winning magazines, work for award-winning magazines, got published in multiple anthologies, and have a best selling book. I also got into Codex and SFWA.

Sometimes I get curious enough to look for Franca online. I haven't found him on Goodreads, Codex, SFWA, or anywhere else. He either writes under a different name, his writing isn't as superior as he thought it was, or he's stopped altogether.

This gives me a touch of schadenfreude.

I'm still here.

*This is his surname. Part of me wants to name and shame him. Most of me refuses to give him the respect of using his name. This is my compromise.