It's not actually weird, it just amused me to use a clickbait title.
If you write, you're probably familiar with the submissions process and how frustrating it can be. You send and you send your work to publications, hoping for the best. Weeks, months, sometimes years pass between acceptances.
Not only do I write, I also read for magazines, deciding which ones to recommend, and which ones don't fit. There are some submissions which are an instant "no." I can't guarantee acceptance if you follow my advice, but you will avoid rapid rejection.
Please read the guidelines.
The publications I works at, as well as the ones I submit to, all have guidelines letting people know what they are and are not looking for in a story. This includes things like genre, word count, whether or or not they take reprints, specialize in certain writers, etc. By sending in stories the publication specializes in, your work will be considered.
Don't assume you're an exception to the rules.
People will submit their work to publications knowing their chances of acceptance are slim, but still greater than zero. It does not hurt to send in your work and hope for the best. This is true in most instances.
I've also seen people submit dissertations to fiction magazines. Others have sent in stories too short or too long for the publication, sometimes thousands of words too long.
There are also people who ignore when a publication exists to promote writers of certain demographics, such as queer writers, BIPoC writers, those from marginalized genders, and so on. On at least one occasion, I've seen an out-of-demographic writer explain why the publisher should consider them anyway. The submitter did not help their case, but made it clear how out of touch they were iwth the publisher's purpose.
What will happen if you don't follow this advice?
Very little.
I'm guessing you submit your work because you want things to happen with your writing. So please, know your publishers, look up what they want, and send work accordingly.
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